A Tribute To Amy
How this all came about
I originally signed up to run the Irrational South, a 200 mile race from Murray Bridge to Clare along the Lavender Federation Trail, whilst running on my treadmill during my two weeks of quarantine after moving from Victoria to Adelaide earlier in the year.
All the races I had planned to do were being cancelled due to Covid. I couldn’t travel. I was also struggling with the concept of “moving home” when Adelaide had never really felt like home and I’d been gone over a decade. I thought what better way to make a place feel like home than to connect with the land and what better way to connect with the land than to run 200 miles on the land.
Then I got the dreaded email that the race had been cancelled. There was an offer from Shaun Kaesler in that email, race director, to run the event anyway “fatass” and donate our entry fee to charity. I didn’t even consider it and instead devoted myself to getting fat. I skipped that weekend’s long run and chowed down on the burgers and beer.
That Sunday afternoon, I got a call from my dear friend Tanya to tell me that our dear friend Amy had passed away. We were all in shock.
I didn’t really know how to process the realisation that Amy had passed. She was larger than life. An over achiever in every aspect and just someone you wanted to be around.
Amy taught me many things, but the one thing that stood out to me was the way she lived her life. If she saw a problem, she was instantly part of the solution. She didn’t make excuses – she just got on with things…so many things!
So I decided to do the run and raise funds for Lifeline. I didn’t want the way Amy died to be her legacy – that’s not why I chose to run and raise funds for mental health awareness. I wanted the way she lived her life to be her legacy. A lesson that I could share with you all – whether you knew Amy or not, that if you see a problem, be part of the solution. You CAN make a difference.
So before I go into the details of the race, I want to stop to thank Amy for all that she was and all that she continues to be. May her legacy live on in all of us and may the world continue to be a better place for her blessing.
Race recap
On a cool grey morning, I gathered with three other irrational human beings – Tim, Sarah and Tamas, on the banks of the Murray River in Murray Bridge. Michelle Hanlin gave an acknowledgment of country, drank cider from her shoe, and then we were off, on our own two feet, running all the way to Clare. None of us allowed ourselves to think that way though. To think that way would surely be the end. Instead we were just out for a little jog. We each broke it down in our own minds into bite sized chunks. For me, I was running to Monarto, around 20km away where I would see my good friend Mignon.
We all ran together for the first few kms and then we started to space out. The rain started to drizzle but it wasn’t cold. I wasn’t sure whether to put on my rain jacket or not. The drizzle soon turned into rain (and later wind and hail), so I stopped to put my jacket on – and pretty much didn’t take it off for the next 48 hours!
The rain meant I was moving well. The sandy sections around Monarto that I had thought would be slow going were firm because of the rain. The cooler temperatures also meant it was easy to keep a good pace – and almost necessary to keep warm.
I got into Monarto slightly ahead of schedule and Mignon greeted me with her beautiful warm smile and asked “have you met any new friends today?” (This was a question my late grandmother would always ask me in her thick Croatian accent when I returned from a trail run. A silly question to ask a thirty something year old – but the answer was so often yes that it stopped being silly).
“I have!” I shouted.
“Aren’t you cold?” Someone else asked. “I’m Victorian” I answered …. “and Covid free!” I added over my shoulder.
A quick refill of water and I was out again. I knew it would be around 7 hours before I saw Mignon again but the rain meant I didn’t feel the need to take a huge amount of water with me.
The next section was far flatter than I thought it was going to be. It was mostly runnable. For the most part the Lavender Federation Trail follows the same format for the entire 330km. It’s a combination of dirt roads and farmlands with no trail where you just follow a general direction. This section had a little bit more variety with some single trail coming out of Monarto and some interesting vegetation. I also saw some brilliant bird life along this section.
I caught up with Sarah during this section and it must have been around 10km or so that we ran together into Tungkillo. What a privilege it was to share some trail time with such a kickass woman.
I was ahead of schedule at Tungkillo so took the opportunity to get out of the rain for a bit. Unfortunately I was so ahead of schedule that my crew hadn’t yet arrived, but no drama. Mignon wrapped me in a towel and Michelle fed me soup and I was happy to wait in the shelter until Tanya and Sam arrived – which really wasn’t long at all.
Once they arrived, a quick change into some dry clothes and I put on my heavier gortex rain jacket and Sam and I went out into the night. Sam was undertaking first pacing duties. This was not called the Rakia World Tour for nothing though and Mignon and Michelle were both introduced to the rocket fuel, before we rocketed out into the night.
Sarah and Tim were also leaving Tungkillo at the same time and as we knew this next section was a little difficult to navigate, we all stuck together getting through the tough parts. My watch decided to die in this section (thanks Suunto), and so I stuck to Navman Sam as he guided me through the rocky farmland. We saw some sheep that looked like they were covered in fairly lights – they weren’t, it was just the way our head torches hit their eyes in the night.
After 18km of wet feet and awesome conversation, Sam tagged out and Tanya tagged in on her bike. She rode with me on the dirt trails and would meet me on the other side of farmlands that I needed to cross. At about the 100km mark, I had left Tanya to cross a farmland and once again caught up with Sarah. I was jumping over the stile when I felt an electric heat through my entire body. I screamed into the night sky, only to discover I’d just been shocked by the electric fence. I apologised to Sarah for my loud scream and she replied “what else were you to do?” We were surprised it didn’t rouse the farmers. It certainly was one way to wake up.
Both Sarah and I had chosen to rest at Eden Valley Camp Ground around 3km off the trail, so we continued our shuffle off the trail toward the campground, with Tanya along side on her bike. When we got there, Sam had set up my tent and had hot baked beans waiting for me and my precious slab of pecorino cheese. I slammed it down before climbing into my tent.
The rain came down hard and the wind felt like it was going to lift the tent off the ground. I couldn’t sleep but it was nice to be out of the elements for a while. I didn’t see the point of getting up and continuing in that weather. We’d been told that the worse of the weather was to occur on day one and that it would gradually clear, so I spent three hours shivering in my sleeping bag before being told at 6am by a cheery Tanya that coffee would be served shortly.
I drank the coffee, left my tent for my lovely friends to pack away and headed back out onto the trail. I was very stiff and didn’t much feel like running now, but knew it was important to remind the muscles what they were here to do so I started shuffling and eventually I felt good again.
I stopped to take off my fleece as the sun came up and I packed away my rain jacket. That outfit change lasted the whole of about 7 minutes before the rain started again…and didn’t stop all day.
Much of the early day was uneventful except for Tanya and Sam showing up unexpected on a dirt road with hot chips and a black coffee. I had expected to run most of this day alone but Tanya realised there was a good section she could do on her bike with me from this point so she kept me company for a little while, which was awesome.
Then it was on my lonesome again for a while. I had planned to meet Tanya, Sam and Simon (my partner and ultrarunning/crewing virgin) in Truro before preparing for the second night. This was also where Katie would meet me and pace me through the second night. Unfortunately, I had not checked the official Lavender Federation Trail properly ahead of time to check where our official meeting spot in/near Truro would be. I had glanced at the All Trails map of this section and the trail went through Truro, directly through a rest stop on the freeway so I had assumed that was the official trail and a good place to meet crew. Mistake number one – not checking the official trail map ahead of time. Mistake number two, not reading the very well signed Lavender Federation Trail and taking a side trail into Truro, when the main trail skirted around it. This ended up with me in the centre of Truro completely confused. I couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong or where I should meet my crew. Tanya and Sam found me and we figured it would be easy enough for me to just continue to the rest spot where I had originally planned to meet everyone.
Once I got there I felt overwhelmed with fatigue. I had just run 160km. That fact wasn’t tiring – what got to me was the fact I’d fucked up. I was now in a rest spot on the freeway and would need to continue another 3km down the freeway to get back on trail. It was dangerous and I didn’t like it. I was so annoyed with myself.
I sat in a chair with my head in my hands and then Michelle turned up with Katie. Michelle had the official map in hand and was trying to explain where I had gone wrong. I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I asked Simon to figure out the easiest and safest way to get me back on course, which we decided was for him to drive me the 3km down the freeway. I was gutted as I did not want to be in a car for anything other than sleep this journey. I had even run the 3km out and back to the camp ground the night before to prove this point. I felt like I couldn’t go on. This disappointment and failure rocked me. I got into the back seat of my little Nissan Micra and closed my eyes. Simon sat in the front seat and I let it all out to him. What a failure I was. What a terrible tribute to Amy this was. I couldn’t go on. Who the hell did I think I was trying to do something like this? What was wrong with me?
I had 60km to go through the night to get to Eudunda, my next rest stop. This was also the hilliest section of the course and the wind was picking up. I was shivering in the back seat and I couldn’t fathom how I would do it.
A wise man, Dave “Gump” who I met during my first 100km race once said to me, when you get depressed during an ultra, eat sugar. You’ll pick up. He wasn’t wrong. I guzzled some coke, ate a Mars Bar and half a pastie and was good to go. I had to talk my new state of mind out loud to Simon. 60km was too much for my brain to process, so I was going to just keep moving. I had two crew points throughout that 60km. If at anytime I felt overwhelmed, I would call it quits for the night. Go back to Eudunda to sleep and be driven back to the trail to start again in the morning. Having this ‘get out of gaol’ plan meant I was once again breaking it down into manageable chunks. I could do this.
So Simon drove me 3km down the road and there was the ever patient Katie, waiting to pace me through the night. Off we set into the late afternoon light. We saw a few rainbows and the trail coming out of Truro was truly the most spectacular part of the course. If that isn’t a lesson for life – I don’t know what is. When times feel tough, just keep going – there is good yet to come.
Don’t get me wrong, I suffered through this section. I didn’t have any real clue what direction we were going in. I kept asking Katie if we were on track because I was convinced we were going backward. She was so patient with me and just kept us moving. I felt terrible as I knew it was really cold and I had really slowed my pace which meant Katie was feeling the cold, but this is the nature of 200 miles and of course, she didn’t complain at all. She kept the conversation going and suddenly we’d covered 20km. We checked in with Tanya and Sam and I was happy to continue on. Simon would meet us in another 20km.
That next 20km was the longest 20km of the entire race. I think it took me close to 6 hours. It was so windy. I was freezing. I had no idea where we were. I had two buffs, two hooded fleeces on and a gortex hooded jacket covering my ears so I couldn’t hear a word of Katie’s wonderful conversation and so it was just a grind, up and down hills.
Eventually we got to the car. It was 3am. Simon had been sitting on the side of the road in those awful conditions, patiently waiting for us. I sat in the front passenger seat and asked him to jack the heater up as I couldn’t feel my nose. I lay on his lap and I was shaking. Simon asked me some Dad like questions and I realised that it was stupid to push on those last 10km in the cold. I could go back to Eudunda and sleep and come back out in the early morning when the sun would be up. So I agreed to be taken to Eudunda. Five minutes down the road, I realised I’d left my poles outside the car where Simon had parked. Simon had to drive back and try and find the spot and he and Katie searched the dark road for my poles. They found them and then it was back to Eudunda where I had my first shower in a few days and put on some clean warm running clothes.
Poor Simon had to drive Katie back to her car in Truro while I got two hours of shut eye. When he got back, he just had time to lay down before I said “I’m ready to go, can you take me back to the trail?” He’d had less rest than me.
So day three began. The sun was out and I was feeling chipper. I had actually slept those two hours in Eudunda and I had a fresh bra on. Life was gooood! I put on some music for the first time and even got my jog on. I had dreaded the creek section that comes into Eudunda, but it was fine. Like everything in life, my anticipation was far worse than reality.
As I jogged along a dirt road I had recce’d in training, I felt the happiest I would feel all run. I felt life in every aspect of my being. My heart was full, my legs were moving and I knew exactly why I was here doing what I was doing. I was living. I was experiencing life to the very fullest. I started to cry and the tears just flowed out of me. I wasn’t sad, I was overwhelmed. I howled.
I composed myself just as I came into Eudunda and I realised I was only half hour behind my original run plan, despite getting lost in Truro and drastically changing the night time section to accomodate the weather and my inability to control my body temperature. Another life lesson – learn to be flexible.
I was hoping Simon had scored a late checkout and was eventually getting some sleep so I didn’t want to see him in Eudunda. I knew there was a drink fountain in Eudunda so had planned to fill up my water there and didn’t expect to see anyone really. But….the lovely Tanya and Sam were waltzing up the track, the sun was warm on my back and life had never been better.
Then I see this lovely smiling face “are you Courtney?” I ask. Courtney was going to run the 200 miler but life got in the way and so she had messaged me on facebook to see if she could help. I’d never met her before, yet here she was at 10.00am in the middle of nowhere on day three of my run, waiting for me with a coke and a finger bun. I had no idea that I needed a finger bun, but I did!
Courtney then “ran” with me the next 8km. We joked and laughed and instantly became new friends. At the end of that section, Tanya and Sam were waiting for us. Sam gave Courtney a lift back to town and Tanya got on her bike and pretty much kept me company through almost all of day three.
Day three was a lot of dirt road, but we had some great views and Tanya was blasting Hatebreed and Parkway Drive from the speaker on her bike. We shared some great memories and laughed and laughed and kept moving forward. At Inspiration Point, Sam was waiting for us for a crew stop. I had bursitis in my left foot by this stage and was relieved to get off my feet for a short time. Sam had a stretcher in the sun. I lay back and Tanya handed me that slab of cheese again. Heaven.
Back on the trail, Tanya once again keeping me company. We followed the trail markers as opposed to relying on any online maps through this section as the online maps were directing us elsewhere. As the day turned to afternoon we saw masses of kangaroos. Then the trail met up with the Heysen Trail and it was up one pretty steep hill to the next crew point where Sam and the lovely Sirelle were waiting for us.
When I drew up my race plan I knew that when I saw Sirelle, it would be a happy moment as she was to pace me through the third and final night. I ate some watermelon and more cheese, thanked the lovely Sam and Tanya for keeping awesome company throughout the day and Sirelle and I headed out into the night.
My third night on the trail with only two solid hours sleep. I was feeling good so didn’t factor in a sleep stop for the third night. To be honest, when I had drawn up my run plan, I had figured a couple good rest spots and a few trail naps would do me. What I hadn’t factored in was the weather. As it had rained non stop for 48 hours, the trail was mud and it was way too cold and damp to nap anywhere. Even on night three, when there was no rain, the trail was way too damp to safely nap anywhere.
So we pushed on knowing that our crew stop would be Simon at Manoora sometime around midnight. That time seemed to fly pretty quickly. Sirelle was great company and it was so good to catch up with her.
We met Simon on the side of the road and I had a lay down in the back seat for around 30 minutes. I may have dozed off momentarily but it was very hard to rest properly as I was excited to see Simon and wanted to know how his day was. In order for me to have enough space to nap in a tiny micra, Simon had to take all the crew stuff out of the car. So I sat inside the car yelling directions out the door “I need a fleece, a thermal, black coffee” and Simon went from tub to tub trying to find what I needed in the dark. Cars kept pulling over asking if he was okay – I guess it was a bit odd to see a car on the side of the road at that time. It was so hard to leave the warmth and comfort of the back seat, but Sirelle and I put all our layers on (a T-shirt, long sleeve, thermal, fleece and waterproof jacket) and headed out into the night.
The section from Manoora to Mintaro might be pretty in the day but through the night it was boring as bat shit. It was flat and dirt road. We tried to shuffle but my bursitis was getting bad and so somewhere in the early hours of the morning I made the call that I was pretty much walking it in now. The constant flat of the dirt road, nothing to see but the illuminated space in front of me and the total of two hours sleep had me drifting off as I was walking. I told Sirelle I was so tired that I was struggling to see properly. Later I described it as having two sets of eyelids and the first eyelid had closed. I think both of us were slightly concerned I was going blind, which can happen when ultra running, but neither of us mentioned it. Instead, we kept our focus on finding some kind of shelter that I could take a quick nap in. There was nothing around! It was just wet, flat, muddy trails. I asked Sirelle if I could just lay in the mud for a little bit and she said calmly “I can’t let you do that.”
We went past Martyndale Hall and I was outraged that there was a perfectly good mansion right there, and yet no where for me to have a little trail side nap. Didn’t they know I’d be passing by? Where was the welcome? Rich people!
Eventually I saw the remains of a shed. It was literally two pieces of corrugated iron and a few slabs of wood. I begged Sirelle to let me jump the fence and have a little nap. We pulled out a piece of corrugated iron and I lay down on it. I tried to pull my space blanket out but it had been drenched by the few days of rain and I couldn’t get it out. I fumbled with it so long that I then started to think about mice. I was sure there were mice around me. I got up. Sirelle asked if I had a good nap. We laughed our arses off and suddenly I was awake enough to push on to Mintaro.
The final stretch into Mintaro gets off the dirt road for a bit and we greeted the sunrise surrounded by farmland and a rooster crowed. We had made it through the night!
We found a nice little park bench and Sirelle wrapped me up like a little yiros in her space blanket and I went to sleep. It was bliss. I woke up fresh as a daisy and yelled “that was the best sleep ever! How long have I been asleep?” Sirelle was sitting patiently on the bench next to me and cracked up laughing. Apparently I’d been snoozing 30 minutes.
I was very excited to use the public toilets in Mintaro and very excited by the hand dryer. Eventually we got back on the trail. I was pretty damn excited that it was day four. I was going to make it. The wind and rain had disappeared. It was sunshine and happy days.
Just before we started making our way off the dirt road and into the farmland, Tanya and Sam turned up with what will forever be known as the best vegetarian pastie I have ever eaten in my life and a black coffee. We didn’t want to linger too long so off we trapsied through the waist high grass with our coffees in hand.
I was slow through here. My bursitis was rating an 8/10 on the Tash pain scale, which is pretty high, but we just kept moving. The sun really came out to play on day four so we took a little rest in Watervale in the shade to apply sunscreen and mentally prepare for the last slog.
From Watervale, the trail follows the Reisling trail through to Seven Hill. This section was not exciting. It was hot. No shade. No views. People were riding their bikes past saying “good morning”. I laughed with Sirelle, “which morning? I’ve been out here for days!”
I was burning up pretty quickly. I didn’t have a hat with me and was wearing thick tights. Sirelle called Simon and asked him to meet us at an earlier point on the trail with my hat. Michelle called at the same time. We got to Penwortham and it was a full on operation. I had Michelle take my pants off for me and put me into my shorts. Heather and Jill were giving me ice. Someone was giving me ginger beer. Simon was sun screening my legs. I basically stood there like a useless giant child and was dressed and cooled down and ready to keep moving.
As we got to Tatkana road near Seven Hill I said goodbye to my wonderful friend who had gotten me through the night and run her own ultra, and my lovely Simon accompanied for the final 18km to the finish.
This final section is hilly and it was hot. Simon was in good spirits but I was a little cranky. I was ready to be done. My bursitis was hurting on the ups and my knee was hurting on the downs. We passed Seven Hill brewery and Tan, Sam and my dad came out to say hi. Poor Dad had thought I’d finish around lunchtime so had been waiting in Clare. It was going to be a long day for him too.
I got confused by the signage as we approached Spring Gully Conservation Park. The signs saying “Lavender Federation Trail” suddenly said “Terry Lavender Federation Trail”. I hadn’t noticed that on any of the signs the entire run, so I called Michelle to check I was on track. I didn’t want to get lost 15km from the finish on a 330km run. Michelle confirmed I was on track, so Simon and I pushed on. Simon was loving the view but I was a bit over it by now. I was whinging a bit, about what I’m not sure.
Then we saw two lizards getting it on. That made me laugh. Eventually we hit the road again and I knew I was moving so slowly and I’d run out of conversation so I put my phone on the playlist I had created for the run and that many friends had added songs to. Michelle turned up to tell us we were around 6km from the finish. She filled my pockets with cans of ginger beer, ice and Panadol and said something like “only happy songs now”.
Well, the happiest song of all time came on just as she drove off – Phil Collins and Phil Bailey ‘Easy Lover.’ I sang my little heart out.
I knew we were a kilometre or so out of town when we first saw Tanya. I was so happy to see her and she guided me the final stretch that my brain couldn’t quite deal with. Then I saw Jesse. Jesse is Amy’s partner and seeing her face made it all real – what I was here to do. I burst into tears and am pretty sure I cried all the way to the finish. We picked up Sam as we continued on. Then I could see it – I could see the finish. I could hear Michelle. I could see my Dad. I started running. I ran and I smiled and cried and ran, past the finish sign to the very end of the trail.
Sirelle and Courtney were there. Hayley and Angus was there. Sarah, who had finished an hour or so before me was there. Heather and Jill were there.
I sat in a chair and told strange stories about my nanna to anyone who would listen – I’m sorry if you were there and wondered what the hell I was going on about. I was trying to tell the story of my nanna who would always ask “Did you make any new friends today” every time I went out on a run. In this instance, “today” was 82:45 and I made so many new friends.
We drank rakia and Pirate Life to celebrate – to celebrate Amy, to celebrate friends and family, to celebrate life, this precious life that we are given one chance to experience.
If I were to choose one word to summarise my experience on the Lavender Federation Trail, it is gratitude. I am grateful that I have a body that allows me to move such long distances on and with the earth. I am grateful that this ability allows me to process emotions, like grief.
I am grateful to my friends, family and partner who made this happen. So eternally grateful! I can’t believe what you lot all did for me, so selfless. Tanya, Sam, Simon, Mignon, Katie, Sirelle and my dad. And my new friends, Michelle, Courtney, Heather, Jill, Shaun, Sarah, Tamas and Tim.
I am grateful to Amy’s friends and family who supported this endeavour as a means of honouring Amy’s great legacy – especially Rebecca.
I am grateful to Amy. Whilst your time on this earth was short, you left this place and it’s people better for having known you.
Love and peace.
The nerd stuff
What did I eat?
I tried to maintain 100-200 calories per hour. I used mostly solid food – lots of oat bars, nut bars, cheese, watermelon and bananas, baked beans, a couple pasties and gluten free bread. I think this worked well as I had no hallucinations despite only getting two and a half hours solid sleep the entire run. When the weather warmed up on the last day I resorted to ginger beer, lots of ginger beer and went with more refined sugary foods like biscuits and a few Cliff gels. I couldn’t stomach anything that required too much chewing or that felt too heavy in my stomach. I think saving those high sugar foods for later in the race worked well for me.
Electrolytes?
I had a few hydralyte tablets but not much. I was peeing regularly and had no swelling so figured I was fine. I’m not much of a fan of electrolyte replacement and I drink to thirst.
Clothing
If you’re thinking about doing this 200 miler next year, prepare for rain! The farmlands mean that you will constantly have wet shoes and socks. I didn’t bother changing my top layers as it was too cold to undress and change my bra/shirt. But I changed my pants/underwear/socks at every opportunity to try and keep dry and warm.
I started the race in Abi and Joseph shorts. I chose them because of the pockets – I wanted to keep my phone in easy reach at all times for safety (maps). I later wore Run Faster pants for the same reason. I wore Arcteryx top layers. These are expensive but durable. Despite not changing for two full days I had zero chaffe. I had a merino thermal on me at all times and wore a Solomon light rain jacket during the day and heavier Gortex jacket at night.
By night two I had lost the ability to control my body temperature so needed lots of technical layers. Buffs for head, neck and face were handy as were waterproof gloves.
Combination of Steigen and Injinji Socks.
Shoes
Hoka One One ATRs. I chose a size bigger than my usual running shoes for the last half of the race.
Other gear
Salomon 12L pack. 1.5-2.5 L water with me at all times.
Black Diamond Z Ultra poles. Wouldn’t attempt a 200 miler without collapsible poles.
My head torch isn’t fancy – it’s some military style torch with 900 lumens and a generic battery. If you’re running through more than one night in variable weather, go with a torch that allows you to use a generic rechargeable battery. It’s cheaper and safer. I sold my Ayups when I started running through more than one night – they might be bright but they’re heavy and those batteries are too expensive.
Spot tracker – as this wasn’t a race but a partially supported adventure, I chose to carry a spot tracker for emergency situations.
Sleep
This is my second attempt at a 200 miler. My advice is be flexible with your sleep. Don’t push too hard – take sleep when you need it but if you can’t sleep, recognise the importance of rest and getting out of the elements too.
If you’re planning this particular 200 miler next year, DO NOT depend on trail side naps. It’s too cold and wet to nap on the trail side. You need to factor your sleep in designated rest spots.
Tasharama_A_Go_Go 